Resurrection and Bunnies

This is my attempt to reconcile the Resurrection of the Risen Christ and bunnies and chocolate. Many years ago, I heard a very plausible explanation and have been searching for factual evidence ever since.  This is my version:

We all know that the true meaning of Easter is a celebration of Jesus Christ rising from the dead to save the world from eternal separation from God if we accept and believe. [My blog, my facts] Obviously, many rulers over the ages also believed this, among them Charlemagne, king of Rome (or whatever it was called back then) for a while in the triple-digit years.

[History is a problem to me because, in my analness, there is not a timeline for all of history, so I have trouble getting it all in the right order and connected to the correct stuff like people/king/curse/battle/plague or whatever else happened, but I digress...]

Anyway, Charlemagne was a real go-getter in everything he did and he was a believer in the resurrected Jesus and wanted everyone else to be, too.  So he declared the Roman Empire to be Christian.  End of story.  Almost.

One day, one of his buddies said, "Hay, Charlie, you say we are all Christians, but, look!  'Those people' are worshipping the sun and that funny stuff growing in the fields. And they are worshipping bunnies so that their crops and families will be fertile."  So, Charlemagne send some soldiers to tell they they are Christians and to stop that stuff immediately.

'Those people' said, "I don't think so" and started laughing and rolling on the ground.

When they reported the incident to Charlemagne, he was not happy.

He paced the halls of the castle for days and days and days, trying to figure out how to  get them to convert to his way of believing.  I mean, he had declared the whole place Christian, but the people are not complying and it's probably making him look bad to his royal buddies over in wherever there were other kings (I already told you I am really bad at history).

One day in his pacing, he came upon a very enthusiastic servant who was tired of emptying the staff chamber pots.  The servant meekly approached the king and proposed an idea.  The king was very delighted with the idea and advanced the servant to his personal chamber-pot-emptier.  The kid was not amused.

The king immediately called a cabinet meeting and sent out a decree.  He would move Easter celebarations to the  spring solstice when 'those people' celebrated the sun! He figured that the Bible doesn't really say what day the Resurrection actually happened and it's the believing that counts, anyway.  And, while he was at it, he moved Christmas to the winter solstice day that 'those people' celebrated because the Bible doesn't really say what day Jesus was actually born and it's the believing that counts, anyway.

So, Charlemagne made the Roman Empire Christian whether they wanted to be or not--or, at least, they looked like they were Christians because now they celebrated the two major Christian holidays. Charlemagne was very proud of himself and he got to eat chocolate and color eggs after the sun-rise service.