For my children when you are 21

You will learn a lot of things over a lifetime and it will, hopefully, be a wonderful experience. There will be ups and down (as there are in every life), but if you are secure in who you are and what you stand for, you can see things from different angles and learn a few things as you go along.

I have put down a few things that I feel are important for you to know, if you haven't learned them already.

Words are very powerful tools that can be deadly weapons. Always choose your words wisely because you can never take them back.

You are not perfect, and it's ok. You will make mistakes. We all do. When you make a mistake, take it in stride and take responsibility for it. Apologize to anyone you have wronged. You will feel better about yourself and so will the other person.

The world will keep turning and nobody will fall off if you fail to express an opinion. Really.

When someone is speaking, LISTEN. Don't start forming your rebuttal before they finish their sentence. HEAR what they have to say before you speak.

You don't have to prove you are smart by giving a diatribe every time you open your mouth because we love you the way you are. Sometimes, you can even let others 'tell' you something you already know. It will boost their self-esteem and won't cost you a thing.

When others disagree with you, it's not a personal attack. It's the start of a discussion-in fact, you may learn something new by listening to their side.

Communicate with everyone who is important in your life. The more information you give, the more your caring shows.

Always be the "bigger" person. Be the first to speak or do. Yes, it involves some extent of being vulnerable, but you have to trust people, sometimes.

"I am what I am" is a cop-out for people who care more about themselves than others. Don't think yourself so important that you can't be bothered to change to make yourself or someone else happy.

You don't lose any of yourself when you put other people first. At the end of the day, you are a better person.

We still have a few years together before you fly from the nest. There will be some 'growing pains' but I hope they are happy times and you remember them fondly.

Lots of love,

Your evil stepmom