6/11/2010

Murphy's Law, expanded




 Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 
 Law of Gravity Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 
 
 Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 

 Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
 
 Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 

 Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 

 Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 

 Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 

 Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 

 Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 

 Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 

 Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 

 Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 

 Brown's Law of Physical Appearance If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 

 Oliver's Law of Public Speaking A closed mouth gathers no feet. 

 Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
 
 Doctors' Law If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

5 comments:

Louise | Italy said...

This is very, very funny. And all so very, very true. Greetings from Italy via BPOTW.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Good stuff. I especially love this: "The aisle people also are very surly folk." We have front-row aisle seats at the ballpark. We have been known to be a tad surly when people decide to climb over us when a batter is in the box, especially if they do it repeatedly. C'mon, wait two minutes, people. Yup, we arrive early and wait around even after the game is over, although we're perfectly willing to let other people out at that point. You're right, it's a Law!

Kate@AndThenIWasaMom.com said...

You nailed it. My daughter is never healthier than when she is waiting to be seen by a pediatrician. She's downright sprightly, in fact. If it wasn't so expensive, I'd be tempted to move to the waiting room permanently. I'd save a fortune on children's ibuprofen. A FORTUNE.

Juli Ryan said...

Yes, Doctors' Law! Sometimes, it is vice versa. If you weren't sick before you went to the doctor, you will be sick after your appointment--from the bug you caught in the waiting room.

momentsofwhimsy said...

Oh - can relate to most of these :-)

Love your cat pic in your title too - gorgeous colour!