12/27/2010

30-year grudge

Who holds a grudge for 30 years? I mean, what sort of things have to go through your head for all those

months (360) 
weeks (1560) 
days (10950) 
hours (262800) 
minutes (15768000) 
seconds (946080000)


That's a long time to be mad at the world because you can't control every little thing around you. If you've ever lived with someone else, you know that you have to learn to compromise and you can never, ever have everything your way. It just doesn't happen. Well, not in a healthy relationship, anyway.

I find it amazing that my kids hold a grudge for about a second and a half. They can be mad at me for something I said (most likely, reminded them of something they forgot) and give me 'the look' and then a minute later we are laughing about something on telly like nothing ever happened. When I was their age, I would get upset with Mom and still be mad a few hours later. Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure that she noticed that I was still mad at her, but I digress.....

In my less-mature days, I would hold onto bad feelings for quite a while. Until I realized that the person I was mad at wasn't even aware of my feelings. I had to learn to forgive so that I could stop wasting time that could be better spent on other things. Because I knew that they weren't using their time thinking about me. They were preoccupied with their own lives. 

But then the ultimate of grudge holders came along on Facebook. (Cue mysterious musical notes: Duh. Duh! Duh!!) TUG (the ultimate grudge-holder) wanted to be my friend.

Flashback....Long before we knew that TUG existed, when I was 13, her husband (JP) spent the summer with his married sister upstairs from us. We became friends, along with his two younger sisters, playing basketball in the alley, walking to the store, going across town to swim at Wolf Lake. Our families got together and I'd spend time at their folk's house in a town about an hour's drive away. Somewhere along the way, he gave me my first 'real' kiss and, thus, stole a little piece of my heart forever. 

After a while, life lead us to different places and the two of us married different people. JP called me at the hospital when I had my son, although I thought it was curious that he never said his name, even to the nurse who answered the phone. Then, when TUG called me at home to ask if he had called me because she found a phone number in his wallet, I knew how things were at their house. 

And that's what immediately came to mind when I got her friend request on FB. So, I ignored the request and checked out her profile. I found one of the aforementioned younger sisters and sent her a message asking about the family in general. I didn't get an immediate response, but that's not unusual on FB.

I did, however, get a message from TUG. The first line said, 'we are happy'. Now anybody with any sense know that if you have to start out with that sort of statement, it's not true. She then proceeded to call me names and tell me that she knew about my message to the sister. I blocked her on my and the kids' accounts.

Whatever she thinks, I know for sure that I am not guilty. But, I suppose it's flattering--in a sick sort of way--that she still thinks about me after all these years.  

I do feel sorry for JP because he was a sweet, gentle man who loved with all his heart. Sadly, she has stomped it into a million little pieces (I can see it on his face in the ONE photo that has him in it). But, then he made his decision to stay with TUG. The one thing I regret is that he never asked me to marry him. He thought he wasn't good enough for me. Silly man.

4 comments:

Sandra said...

How sad for JP. Clearly, he has the same regrets. But, we make our choices & have to move on. I think it's best to leave TUG in the past, where she belongs.

Hillori said...

so well written. And she seems so insecure and unsure...how sad for her, and for him. Glad that you have such great kids.

merinz said...

Its like a cold shower when something like this happens - best she is left in the past where she wants to be!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

This is a great story, and a sad one. She is clearly damaged goods! Blocking her from your FB account is a wise choice.